Going to au pair in China seems like quite
an irrational decision so I decided it. Fuck sitting around in England waiting
for some job to magic itself from my less than adequate CV, which would also
mean updating it from GCSE days.
I don’t really have any idea, but what is
the life of an au pair in China? Here’s what I can solidly verify so far.
I
live: in a gentrified international community on a
golf course where you can summon golf buggies to cart your rich omega-3 arse
around, and where wedding photos are posed for daily.
My
host family is: repugnantly wealthy. I have also
seen all of them nakey at least once. Except the dad who is always in Hong Kong
“on business” (Triading).
 |
| This was a "present". For me. I am a martyr |
I
look after: a horribly spoilt little cherub,
classic symptom of the one-child policy. Except she’s not an only child. She
exists only because her older brother of 12 has cerebral palsy and thus
receives a fraction of the aggressive affection laid upon his little sister,
despite being a great kid and less narcissistic too. One source even had the
hubris to say she was born with two brains.
We
play: one-legged barbie goes to lego hospital and
gets eaten by a pterodactyl, playdoh dressmaking, home science experiments, and
re-enacting deathly emergency scenes. Sometimes we wear tutus in the garden and
make mud cakes, which is probably a fetish somewhere. Anyone who knows
how uncomfortable I usually am around infants would have a field day.
I
have eaten: hearts and brains
I
have been:
1) to some Taoist hot springs. As per, I
was the only non-oriental so everyone stares (ironically) wide-eyed. Whilst pointing
and going “nigger nigger nigger”.
2) smoking too much
I
miss: nothing. Go on, cry.
........
