The Guardian has a section where they let
contributors speculate on what they would do if they were king or queen for a
day. I like this idea, but I’m not important enough to write for the Guardian
so I’m gonna copy them in this corner on my own.
If I were queen for a day, I would seize
hegemonic control of all major media outlets. I’d make quite an exceedingly unpopular
queen, especially seeing the recent hubbub concerning censorship and free
speech for journalism, and the importance of tackling stories and events from
multiple perspectives. But the reason I’d take such a draconian and maternalistic measure is because I feel that this is not
done enough.
So this is how it’d work. I’d have 24-hour
rolling news coverage on the main terrestrial TV channels, probably categorised
under Societal, Economic, Political and Environmental/Scientific. As the day’s
global events panned out, some algorithmic brainbox would work out, taking into
account a variety of factors, which events across the world (and beyond?) are
most newsworthy. These factors would include things like body count, amounts of
people displaced, modification to the global environment, tax evaded,
censorship, agricultural and industrial degradation, investment in commodities,
social upheaval, importance to scientific and technological advancement etc.
Basically anything that has an effect on our humble little world. And the
mathemagician would take all of these things and allocate airtime
proportionally to the events and stories as they unfold, correlated to primetime
viewership. Things she would overlook
in the selection process would be notoriety of individuals, language, creed and
religion, national boundaries and proximity. These would only be brought up as
content if they were vital to the stories themselves, and not be used as
influences on airtime allocation. Radio and newspapers would be subject to a similar
fate, but I would leave channels such as Yesterday, BBC4, Film4, NatGeo
untouched. There’s only so much global famine, warfare, environmental
annihilation, political wheeler-dealing, corruption and inequality one can take
in a day without a bit of creative light relief, or Michael Portillo. Plus I
hardly want to be a despot.
Here’s the reason. Right now, the top story
on my “Trending” majig on Facebook is “Jessie J: Musician performs her single
‘Big Bang’ on ‘The Graham Norton Show’ with her mouth closed”. I’m pretty out
of touch but I think trending means news that is currently popular. If this is
the sort of news that the average UK netizen (who represents
the average UK citizen) deems shareable or essential to human existence,
excuse me while I go and weep. I don’t know if I blame them or the outlets that
propagate this kind of bull: on the one hand, the outlets write what sells, on
the other, people read what they’re given. Chicken or egg?
Well, egg I think. We can no longer feign
embryo-like powerlessness as an excuse for our national ignorance. With the
internet, we can effortlessly find out from a plethora of sources and accounts
exactly what is happening on our planet, when and where. We can’t lay the blame
on mum and dad for only buying the Daily Mail, or saying that ITV News at 6 is
the only news delivery service for the sedentary. But, it seems too many people
are too lazy to explore elsewhere, and in this age of explosive globalisation,
hi-tech weaponry, and the very uncertainty of our environment’s continuance, we
need movement, we need large-scale action. We need to give our media a colossal
makeover. For one day at least; at least.
This, I naïvely hope, would open our minds,
and most importantly our youngest generations’ minds, to our worldly
insignificance and need to co-operate internationally. Obviously my one day of
mass media requisition would only do a good job of pissing people off and
making you all feel helpless whilst conglomerates financially sedate our
leaders and eat up the people’s share. But
it could be the start of a new media era. When
we start to realise that the news we’re used to is highly discriminatory and
narrow, and when the true suffering is given more prominence in our daily
lives, we may reconsider our voting patterns, preferred charities (or lack
thereof), consumer habits and even personal ambitions. And I believe this will germinate
the seed for solid, worldwide salvation.
Oh, and my final decree would be to do away
with the monarchy. But that’s another story.
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